I think depression is very different for some people - some people experience it as an acute illness, something that comes on after some trigger in their lives (whether it's something that could "rationally" cause depression or not: death of a loved one, lost job, birth of a baby, a physical illness, being a damn teenager, etc.) and goes away with treatment or time. Sometimes I feel like all the "Depression is a temporary problem! It WILL be better one day!" stuff is for those people, people who have never been through it all before and likely never will again.
By contrast, I know my depression is a chronic illness. I know I will literally always be working against it and trying to keep it in remission. I know that by practicing anything less than excellent self-care, or having a life setback, or plain old bad luck in biochemistry, it could come back at full force. And when I'm having a bad day/week/month, sometimes it feels like, sure, there will be some good times but this feeling will always just be lurking, waiting to come around again, and that's all that matters right then.
What's helpful to me isn't "you'll feel better someday," because, sure, I will, but I'll also feel WORSE someday, probably sooner than I'd like. Nor is it all that helpful to know that there are people who love me, because in the moment all I can think about is how many times I've been at this place before and how many times I probably will be again, and how exhausting it would be to be my friend if I truly reached out every time and never seemed to permanently get better. What's helpful is remembering that there WILL be times when those good times will make it feel worth being alive, even if I can't access it now. That's somewhat of a comfort.
It helps to be older, to have a better handle on the passage of time, to have 30 years worth of evidence that I always make it through and figure something out and mostly don't fuck things up entirely, even if I'm not as awesome or successful as I could be without depression. But it doesn't eliminate the perspective problem in the moment, just adds a little nudge in the direction of "it's worth waiting around."
I mean, actually losing someone in my family (my father-in-law) to suicide also impacts the decision-making: I know what that does to other people around the person who chooses that, and it's harder to prioritize alleviation of my own pain over that. Ultimately I don't really want to fuck anyone over that badly even if it means NEVER feeling better. So I guess in that sense knowing I'm loved makes a difference. But it's not like I don't know that, or don't know that someday I will likely smile again. That just all feels hollow when I know I'm going to spend my life battling this stupid chronic illness.
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I think depression is very different for some people - some people experience it as an acute illness, something that comes on after some trigger in their lives (whether it's something that could "rationally" cause depression or not: death of a loved one, lost job, birth of a baby, a physical illness, being a damn teenager, etc.) and goes away with treatment or time. Sometimes I feel like all the "Depression is a temporary problem! It WILL be better one day!" stuff is for those people, people who have never been through it all before and likely never will again.
By contrast, I know my depression is a chronic illness. I know I will literally always be working against it and trying to keep it in remission. I know that by practicing anything less than excellent self-care, or having a life setback, or plain old bad luck in biochemistry, it could come back at full force. And when I'm having a bad day/week/month, sometimes it feels like, sure, there will be some good times but this feeling will always just be lurking, waiting to come around again, and that's all that matters right then.
What's helpful to me isn't "you'll feel better someday," because, sure, I will, but I'll also feel WORSE someday, probably sooner than I'd like. Nor is it all that helpful to know that there are people who love me, because in the moment all I can think about is how many times I've been at this place before and how many times I probably will be again, and how exhausting it would be to be my friend if I truly reached out every time and never seemed to permanently get better. What's helpful is remembering that there WILL be times when those good times will make it feel worth being alive, even if I can't access it now. That's somewhat of a comfort.
It helps to be older, to have a better handle on the passage of time, to have 30 years worth of evidence that I always make it through and figure something out and mostly don't fuck things up entirely, even if I'm not as awesome or successful as I could be without depression. But it doesn't eliminate the perspective problem in the moment, just adds a little nudge in the direction of "it's worth waiting around."
I mean, actually losing someone in my family (my father-in-law) to suicide also impacts the decision-making: I know what that does to other people around the person who chooses that, and it's harder to prioritize alleviation of my own pain over that. Ultimately I don't really want to fuck anyone over that badly even if it means NEVER feeling better. So I guess in that sense knowing I'm loved makes a difference. But it's not like I don't know that, or don't know that someday I will likely smile again. That just all feels hollow when I know I'm going to spend my life battling this stupid chronic illness.