catling42: ([dean] and being caught in between)
This is where my thoughts were meandering the morning before I decided not to be stressed (still working on that, btw):

I'm feeling so frustrated lately. My body isn't cooperating. My moods are crap. My motivation is low. And that's with having my record-setting week last week, work wise -- 20 hours of massage, 14 clients. Massage therapy full time. And oh many did my arms hurt.

Lately I wonder if I should be trying to find other work. If I'd hate it. Yesterday, if maybe I could do both. In order to do 20 hours of massage, I need to be available for more than 30 because of time between and breaks and stuff. I wonder how much I should be trying to find other work, how much that undermines my biz. At the same time. I wonder if I shouldn't be putting all my efforts into getting ends to meet however I can, even if that means having fewer hours at my biz. But how can a biz be successful if I cut back? It's all so circular.

And there's the also the feeling of lack of free time, already pervasive with babysitting not even 10h/wk (though that's technically my obligation). I wonder if actual money were exchanged if that would feel less frustrating. Probably not, because the hours still suck and so does the communication. Also, some of that feeling of lack comes from never having a free evening to make plans with people.

And I'm at a weird point in my biz where I have too many clients to cut back a lot, but not enough to always fill my schedule. And then there's the piece where massage therapy full time doesn't seem to be enough to pay the bills and still have much fun. Or live the lifestyle I want, at least, or be comfortable when the support structures for low income are taken away, as is already happening.

I don't know if I have what it takes to basically start another biz, some sort of content creation internet based thing that could provide a more passive income with less physical, less 1-on-1 work, that I could do alongside massage. Maybe if I had an innovative idea, but I really don't. I guess in some ways, I do want a "regular" job, one with a more typical schedule, enough pay and maybe even benefits. It feels safer, anyhow. And has growth possibilities.

What is scariest is, I could get by on massage therapy full time if my body holds up, but there is absolutely no growth potential... can't work more hours, physically, and can't raise rates through the roof. *sigh*

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catling42

January 2016

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